


Abuse Of The Highest Degree

by sonicsora



Category: Brütal Legend
Genre: Dorks in Love, Flirting, Humor, Idiots in Love, Love/Hate, M/M, Old Married Couple, Snark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:00:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25045777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonicsora/pseuds/sonicsora
Summary: Eddie just wanted to iron out details on patrols, instead he has to deal with Kill Master and Fire Baron argue-flirting.He really just wants a nap and beer, why is this his life?
Relationships: Kill Master & Eddie Riggs, The Fire Baron & Eddie Riggs, The Fire Baron/Kill Master (Brütal Legend)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 6





	Abuse Of The Highest Degree

“Oh shut your fucking mouth.” Grouses the taller man, he takes his hat off smacking Fire Baron plainly across the back. “You fucking twit. You empty fucking bag of bones.” 

“You see this, this is abuse.” Fire Baron states easily back, he aggressively waves the other man's hat away without even breaking eye contact with Eddie. “Abuse of the highest degree!” 

Kill Master gives a disgusted snort, raising the hat again as a threat. " _Oh_ , I'll abuse you in a god damn second." 

Eddie releases a short breath, tipping his head back to stare at the sky for a reprieve. The bickering continues for a moment or two before Eddie coughs loudly into his hand. The two men fall silent, just staring back at him. 

“Are we gonna actually talk about organizing patrols or are you two gonna keep flirting?” Eddie questions dryly back. He had come up to Kill Master’s mountain specifically to try and get things ironed out before he started doling out patrol routes to Fire Barons and Bassists. Eddie just wanted to get this done. He just wanted to go back to his tent and take a damn nap. Maybe if he left now he could hang out with Ophelia and drink a beer or two. 

The two all but shout back at him at the same time, indignant and offended on multiple levels apparently. 

“We are not flirting!” 

“ _Fuck off_ , I hate his god damn guts!” 

Eddie blankly stares at the two, “You two are fucking married.” He remembers going to their wedding, unless he was hallucinating. He had been fairly drunk during certain parts of the wedding. He was sure there was a ceremony and some kind of heavy metal 'I Do' at some point. Unless someone married a Metal Beast and Ironheade celebrated that by accident. Given how drunken things got around here, the thought wasn't wholly far fetched at this point. 

“I can hate him and be married to him!” Fire Baron barks out, jabbing Kill Master in the ribs roughly. “Look at his ugly mug! Disgusting!” The taller man glowers at that, grabbing Fire Baron by the lapels of his vest. The shorter man squirms in his hold, scowling up at his spouse. 

“Shut your mouth!” 

Fire Baron growls, “I’ll shut your mouth!” He grabs a fistful of Kill Master’s hair yanking him in for a clash of teeth that is a kiss. It starts off as a fight before the kiss smoothes out into something passionate and desperate. Fire Baron fumbles and ends up hitting the ground. Kill Master growls openly and drops over the top of him. There is a lot of rolling around going on. There was dust being kicked up off the ground. 

Eddie sighs openly, pinching the bridge of his nose. He’s tempted to summon the Druid Plow and drive back down the mountain. “So, we’re not talking about patrol, _ooookay_.” He turns away from the making out to head back down the dirt path. 

He'll come back when the two have finished mauling each other romantically.


End file.
